


Good Girls Go to Hell

by hydratedbarnes



Category: Marvel
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Innocent Reader, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Making Out, Masturbation, Sex Toys, Vaginal Fingering, flashbacks of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:49:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27397495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hydratedbarnes/pseuds/hydratedbarnes
Summary: You have never been with a boy but when a pretty one comes strutting in with long locks and jean jackets, that might soon change
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Peter Parker/Reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 88





	1. Lesson One: Consent

“You’re what?”

He stares at you rather shocked, a look of worry buried in the line of his forehead lines while his brows are furrowed. Hes recently learned of your… well, predicament, and rightfully, he’s surprised.

But how were you suppose to tell him, this Adonis of a man who’s gotten with many girls and guys in his whole life that you, a twenty year old girl never having anyone touched you nor introduced you into _**those**_ sort of topics in your whole life because you believed it was not allowed nor was it right.

Plus, you possibly couldn’t embarrass yourself any more, especially when you had been housing a major crush on the man. And that was already enough to send tingles all over your body whenever he was shirtless in the gym or when he wears _**those**_ grey sweats in the morning. It was unfamiliar to you.

With a shrug, your returned to eating the popcorn you’ve made for movie night with Bucky. “My Papa told me it’s wrong, so I mustn’t.” You say it as simple as that, so ignorantly and so cretinous. You don't even mention the fact that it was because of HYDRA.

He forces you to turn with a hand on your chin, metal fingers gripping as you peer up at him like a lost puppy; wide eyes confused at his sudden gentle touch. “You can’t be serious, sweetheart.”

Your face contorts, defences rising up at his doubt and it makes you pull away at his touch. “Why would I lie about that?” You pull your knees to your chest, look at him with a raised brow. "I'm not a liar, Bucky."

He’s hesitant to touch you, afraid that you may pull away again. “I don’t think… Never?” He asks once again. “Have you at least seen porn?”

He watches as your lips purse, hopes that you’ll say yes and his assumptions of you will be wrong. But instead, you stare back at him wide eyed and shake your head. "What is that?"

“Oh, honey…” He sighs, loudly as he stares back at you, his eyes dark and heavy while he touches you again. “Can I do this?”

You’re hesitant but let him anyways. And as he touches you, caresses your cheek with his flesh hand while he eyes your lips, you feel that same fire in the bottom of your tummy. Burning with desire that has your breathing ragged and uneven. “You want it, don’t you?”

You looked at him, unsure of the answer yourself. Though, with the way you looked back at him knew spoke more than the unspoken words that sat on your tongue. So he leans in, close enough that his lips hovered over yours, just barely. “Let me teach you, honey. Let me show you things you’ve missed out on.”

Your hands gripped his shirt, a small breathy whimper leaving your bitten lips as your eyes flutter close. He’s so damn close, his lips so near you can smell the coffee on his breath and god, you want to kiss him. You want to do all those unholy things to him. Things that you knew you send you down to Hell.

You didn’t care. Now not. Especially not with the way he looked at you like he wanted to devour your every being. Everyone was bound to Hell one way or another and if this was your way of getting in, then so be it. “Yes, please."


	2. Lesson Two: Kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After bucky’s proposition and you coming to an agreement, he shows you the art and basic of kissing and touch.

The days has gone by as quickly as they can. Not a single peep from you ever since movie night with him, though he cannot blame for soemthing he acted upon. He’s sure you’re contemplating what to do now, wondering what would he do to you during these lessons.

Bucky also wonders if you’ve ever touched yourself to the thought of him and while that’s hardly unlikely given with your... closed mindset, the idea of your knuckles deep in your own tight cunt rushes blood to his crotch.

He shakes that thought off, focuses on getting to your room instead without anyone seeing him under the moonlight. And when arrives, asks FRIDAY for access, the moment he walks into your room, he gets a beautiful sight of your panty clad ass.

You’re laid on your stomach on the bed with the Ninetendo Switch Tony bought you for your birthday, giggling as you controlled your character on Animal Crossing. It was a sight to see. So innocent and pure, your little nightgown bunched around your waist, gives him a view to your ass; the same one he’s most likely going to slap... another lesson, he promises.

He approaches you with ease, you’re occupied with headphones on, Hello Kitty themed, of course, and he touches your back with a gentle touch; jolting you back to reality. You jump the slightest bit, your Switch falling to your bed and you turn with those doe eyes at him. “Bucky?”

He rubs your back, slowly draws to just where your ass curves. “Hi, honey. Sorry, I should’ve knocked.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t hear you.” You shake your head, pulling your headphones off and setting beside your switch. “What’re you doing here?” You turn to lay on your back, not realizing that your panties are bare to him.

He chuckles, crawls on your bed between your legs. “Ive come to have our special lessons, honey.” His hand snakes up your thighs, earring him a gasp from you as he starts rubbing.

_They’re back_. “The tingles are back, Bucky.” You admit, an embarrassed look in your face while his hands knead your inner thighs. “They’re in my... down there.” You point to your crotch, hissing when one of his knuckles caress against the front.

“That’s okay, sweetheart. When it does that, that means your excited.” You almost look confused when you repeat what he says. “Yes, excited. Means your pussy wants me.”

Your eyes light up at his words, those vulgar words falling from his lips make your furrow your brows. Tony has used that befofe, she knows it. He sounded angry, so why isn’t Bucky? “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

You nod, bitting your lip in thought. Though, Bucky looks unsure, doubtful. “We’ll have a safe word. Like a word you want to use when you want me to stop what I’m doing, okay?” You nod again.

“I like petunias.” You say and he nods at that with a grin present on his lips.

“Okay, petunias it is. Just use it whenever you want to stop whatever we are doing. Whether it be you’re uncomfortable or if you don’t like what I’m doing. Got it?” You hum at this but he doesn’t like it, he wants you to say it, a verbal answer or he won’t do anything with you. “You have to say yes, sweetheart. Or we can’t do this.”

Your eyes go wide, fear crossing them all over and they swell up with tears. “Yes! I understand, Bucky. Please, don’t leave! Papa left me alone, you can’t leave me too!”

He’s quick to reassure you, cupping you’re face and nodding. “No, of course not, never. You’re fine, honey. I’m here. I won’t leave like your Papa.” Though his words are true, curiosity washes over him when you mention your Papa... You’ve never had family, at least according to your file when they had found you. Perhaps it’s another undiscovered memory of yours the team doesn know about, until then, that’s your decision to tell him or them. He won’t pry it out of you.

And when pulls back, looks at your watery eyes, he smiles. His eyes drawing from your own to your lips. “I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?” You nod, your hands rubs against your eyes to rid of the tears. When he leans close, he snakes a hand behind the nape of your neck and pulls you close.

His lips are soft, sooo soft as he kisses you. You look at him with wide eyes, feeling the way he presses further into your mouth. And you can tell he notices your eyes on him as he pulls away, his lips are wet and slick from your mouth and your face flush at the sight. “You gotta close your eyes when you kiss someone, sweetheart.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He smiles, caresses your cheek and runs his thumb over your bottom lip.

“That’s alright. Wanna try again?” You nod. “You try this time.” You look at him with hesitation, a little doubtful of your own skills. But when he reassures you that he won’t judge nor will he care. So you lean close, hands gripping his shirt as you press your lips against his own with lack of inexperience.

You know he can tell how bad you are this, though he never says a word, only pulls you close until you need to breathe. “Bucky...”

“C’mere, honey.” His hands wander, far and wide down to your ass and thighs as he pulls you close and down to his lap. There, you feel something hard poke your thigh, making you furrow your brows in confusion. “You feel that?” You nod. “That’s how men get tingles, instead of your pussy getting tingly or wet, mine gets hard. We call that a boner. Do you want to touch it?”

You look hesitant, doubtful as you look at the bulge in his pants. Nevertheless, you nod anyways and your hands reach out to touch it. There’s dark groan from Bucky, scaring you into thinking that you’ve hurt him. A quick apology falls form your lips, your mouth into a frown and your face in a quick panic. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know it hurts.”

He shakes his head, kisses your knuckles. “I’m fine, honey. Sometimes your touch is just really good that I make noises. One day, you’ll feel so good you’ll make noises too.”

Your face beams, a smile replacing that damn frown on your pretty face. “Really? Can you touch me like that?”

“Yeah?” He arches a brow at you, making your face heat in embarrassment and adoration. But it also makes you giggle, answering him with a nod. “Where would you like me to touch you?”

“Down there.” You point at your crotch but Bucky looks at you frozen, as if he doesn’t understand what you’re doing.

“What’s down there? You gotta use your words, honey. Tell me what you want. C’mon.” With a huff, you pout at him like child.

But you were desperate, you wanted to feel good the way Bucky did. Your Papa said that was bad and it hurt people, however Bucky said it didn’t and you trusted Bucky more. “My pussy, Bucky. I want you to touch it, please.”

Then he smiles, his grin larger than anything you’ve seen before. “Good girl.” He kisses you after, long and hard but gentle in a way to ease you into the unfamiliar setting. Especially when he licks your bottom lip, a gasp from you and he pulls away the slightest bit. “Just relax, honey. I’ll guide the way.” Then he returns to kissing you, slipping his tongue inside and you hum against his mouth.

**_Oh... This feels nice_**.

And as he kisses you, tongue and all while he dominates your mouth, his hand slips underneath your nightie. The cold metal of his hand contrasts your skin but his touch is just as gentle as his kiss.

He takes his sweet time, makes sure as every second passes, you become more comfortable with the idea of a mouth on yours and a tongue inside. And when you do, you let out the smallest whimper that he eventually swallows.

All the while he pushes you against your bed, your pillows and stuffies engulfing your body whole. Perhaps that would’ve been a problem with another man but not for Bucky, you can feel him smile against your lips. And when he pull back, sees just how flushed you are and how swollen your lips are, he almost cums at the sight you.

“Bucky... my pussy is tingling so much.” You admit it as a whisper, almost as if you’re afraid of FRIDAY or anyone else hearing the filthy words falling from your mouth.

He smiles at your words, pushing at your night so it bunches at your waist. Then he’s staring you down, eyeing your figure until he reaches your pink underwear. A little white bow situated on the front of the waistband. But there, just a little further down to where your cunt is, lays a wet spot no thanks to him. “Are you excited?”

You nod, eager to have your cunt touched the way Bucky said he would. Though, you find one of your stuffies looking back at you, you frown and snatch it from the bed and hold it towards your chest for safekeeping. Bucky’s smile widens, though, he thinks of the things you’ve gone through and missed to become like this and he frowns the slightest bit.

“I think you’re excited too, Bucky.” Your giggles send him back to reality, with you pointing at his crotch while you hide a smile behind your stuffy.

He returns back his attention to you, ignores his ragging hard on and looks at you. “Are you okay?” You ask, he nods in return and leans down and kisses your lips again.

And while he’s kissing you, you feel his hand drag down your stomach, to your naval, then to the waistband of your panties. He tease for a while, drags a finger further down until he feels the wetness seeping through the cotton. You gasp, grasping your stuffy even more when he continues to rub against your cunt.

But he pulls his lips away, making you frown. “Just relax, honey. I’ve got you.” He starts kissing you again, only this time his lips are on your neck and pulse and your mouth parts in surprise. **_Oh, you like that... A lot._**

“I like this kind of kiss, Bucky.”

He hums, pulls away a little to answer you. “That’s good, baby. Just keep holding your stuffy. Maybe I can give your pussy a kiss next time.”

“I would like that.” You smile.

He doesn’t answer you but simply drags his fingers and presses one or two against your button, the same one that sometimes your stuffies rub against at night. He continues this, has your chest heaving while something in your stomach coils and coils until you feel like you need to pee.

“Bucky... the tingles are making me pee.” You stare at him, almost afraid and embarrassed that you might actually pee on his hand and you don’t want to do that. “Bucky, stop. I need to pee.”

He pulls away, listening to your cries and looks at you with a frown. “Baby, that means your pussy likes it. People call it an orgasm. Others call it cumming. But it’ll feel good, I promise. You won’t pee on me, ‘kay?”

Your chest heaves while your crotch throbs. **_Maybe he’s right_** , you think, Bucky wouldn’t put you in that position, let alone himself. So, you nod, part your legs again and he reaches down; starts rubbing your button like he did before and ignores the coil in your stomach again.

“I think I’m cumming, Bucky.” He look at you with a smile, his free hand coming up to draw your chin up at him. There, on his face, is a look of adoration, something so gentle and kind; it’s genuine. Not even Papa looked at you like that, he never did. He was never around as well, so it made sense. Most of the times he was, he angry, mad, sad, or all three. He didn’t like it when you were noisy, especially when he...

Oh, there it is. The orgasm. The same feeling Bucky promised you and the noises that come out of your mouth are unholy and loud, unfiltered and all because of him. And just as you shook with pleasure, he holds you close to him, keeping you pressed against his chest while you moaned into his shirt. Your breathing turned ragged when you calmed down, a shaky whimper leaving as you pull away from him.

Your stuffy has lost an eye from pulling at it. You frown, Miss Elephant only has one eye. “You okay, honey?” Bucky pulls you back, his touch sweet to your cheek and it makes you forget about Miss Elephant.

“I liked that, Bucky. I like cumming.” He laughs with his whole chest, his laugh rumbling deep from his stomach.

“Yeah?” You nod eagerly, even shows Miss Elephant and her missing eye. “I like cumming too.”

Your eyes drop down to his crotch, thinking of how he’s still excited. You question if he also came with you. But he didn’t. “You didn’t cum?” He shakes his head which causes you to frown deeply.

“That’s okay. I can cum on my own some other time. I’m just glad you did.” He greets you with a smile, pecks your nose and it makes you scrunch.

You rub your eyes, a wash of exhaustion waving over you. “I want to learn how to cum on my own too, Bucky.”

He nods. “Some other time, bunny. Another lesson, okay? For now, it’s late and Peter is coming tomorrow, might have some company with that too.”

You agree with him and nod you’re head. You think of Peter, he’s coming tomorrow because of Tony so maybe you’ll have some company while Bucky and the rest of the team are gone tomorrow. They’ve got some conference to go to, so Peter’s presence won’t leave you dying of boredom in your room.

And so, Bucky kisses your forehead, nose, and then your lips, lingering a bit when a smile presses against yours. When he pulls back, it’s still present on his face and so is it’s on yours. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Goodnight, Bucky. Thank you for tonight.”

He nods. “Anytime, sweetheart.” Then he’s gone, leaving you with Miss Elephant and her missing eye. You sigh, look at the ceiling pondering of how special Bucky made you feel tonight. You turn to Miss Elephant, roll your eye at her missing eye then you decide to go to bed.

And with the lights closed except for your lamp, you lay there in the silence thinking of your last moments with Bucky for the night. The tingles are back. Only this time they’re in your chest.


	3. Lesson Three: Maturbation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following a few days after your first lesson with Bucky, you want to learn how to keep your occupied when he’s not around to do it himself.

The sun is early and bright when you enter the living room, the windows are void of any bound just as they always are and you squint at the way the sun paints your face a beautiful gold.

You’re still just as sleepy as you were last night, that same very thought being you back to moments before on how Bucky has taught you how to kiss. Your heart flutters at the memory, but you knew you couldn’t be distracted today. Peter was coming and you wanted to be a good friend to him.

But you neeeded breakfast first. So, as you made your way to the kitchen, a pair of voices can be heard; they’re faint but you can pick off a few sentences here and there.

_Do you know anyone else on her file?_

_FRIDAY shows nothing. Not a single relative._

However, the conversation pauses when you enter. Both super soldier turning their heads to find you clawing your eyes for any eye crusties you get in the morning. Bucky finds you, a smile on his face when he realizes you’re still wearing the nightie from yesterday.

“Good morning.” You yawned big and wide. Eyeing the kitchen for any food prepared. You frown when you don’t see any thing on the counter. “No food?”

Steve shakes his head. “We’re leaving in fifteen. You can make some eggs if you would like or ask FRIDAY to order you something. But Peter is coming in an hour or two.”

Your face beams at the mention of your friend. Then you step up on the bar stool and sit across from the two men. “I suppose I can make something. How long will you guys be gone for?”

“Two days. We gotta go all the way to Seattle for this stupid conference.” Bucky rolls his eyes, plucking a piece of banana from the fruit bowl and peeling the skin off. Steve nudges his pal, rolling his eyes as well but understanding the irritation they’re going through. After all, this is just another government issued meeting and they all hate the government.

You frown. **_Two days_** , that’s not a long time but without Bucky, he won’t be able to teach you the special lessons. “You okay, Y/n?” Steve’s question jolts you back to reality, a look of concern washed over his features while Bucky stares at you the same.

You nod, attempting to avert your eyes at their stares. “Yeah, I’m just thinking of what to do with half the team gone.”

Then Tony walks in, ruffles your hair as he passes by you and you giggle. “Maybe stay with Aunt May if you’re bored. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. You’re close with Peter either way.” You purse your lips, thinking of how that might not be such a bad idea after all.

“Maybe... I don’t know.” You find Bucky’s eyes staring at you, a dark look in them as he eats his banana; reminding you of what happened last night and it brings the tingles back to your crotch. “Yeah, I don’t know.”

Tony shrugs. “Well, whatever you want. We gotta go. Planes waiting and Happy is getting paranoid.” And they leave, Bucky pauses for a moment and excuses himself. You watch as he jogs towards you, making your face contort in confusion why he was returning. Perhaps he may have forgotten something.

“Hold on, forgot something.” He cups your face, scans the area for any onlookers and when he deems it’s safe, he dips his head and kisses your lips. It’s quick but it’s longing and it leaves you smiling when pulls back. “Okay, I’ll see you in two days.”

And then hes leaving you smiling. Heat rushes to your cheeks as you giggle to yourself, feeling a little light heated, you plop yourself on the couch and grin. But you remembered Peter is coming soon and you have to make breakfast. So, you get going and make food.

It’s late when the team returns, their faces painted with irritation from the conference and they want nothing but to head inside for the night. But when Bucky steps inside the living room, he finds you cuddled up beside Peter with Miss Elephant situated between your legs.

You’re passed out, mouth parted as soft snores erupt from her mouth making him smile. But then he sees Peter, he’s on his phone, still wide awake as he scrolls through Instagram. He catches Bucky’s eyes, widens as he gives him a small smile. “Hi, sir. I was just about to send her to bed.”

He shakes his head, excusing his reason. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll bring her myself.” The teenager nods, peels his arms carefully away from your sleeping figure. And as he does that, Bucky scoops you up in his arms as gentle as he can as to not wake you up.

Just as he was about to leave, Peter calls his name again. “Sir, do you know who Papa is? She’s mentioned him a couple of times before while you were gone, I’m just curious to who it can be since I didn’t know she still had any living relatives.”

Bucky frowns, shakes his head. “Sorry, Pete. I’m still trying to figure that out as well. Thanks for letting me know. Have a good night.” And when he starts making his towards her room, you wiggle in his arm and yawns.

“Bucky?” Your voice is small and hoarse. He smiles when he peers down at you. You return the same feeling nothing but content that he’s back. And while two days is not a long time, it is when he’s gone and he can’t teach you his lessons. Plus, you’ve had a lot of tingles last night that you couldn’t seem to relive on your own.

“Hey, princess. How’re you?” Your eyes are heavy but you push through the exhaustion in an effort to converse in small talk with.

“I’ve missed you.”

He chuckles at this. “I’ve only been gone for two days, babe. What’s wrong?” He finds her brows furrowed and her lips pouted.

“I’ve been excited all day. You’re not here to help me cum anymore.” Almost angry, you huff out the answer and cross your arms. Bucky doesn’t answer until he reaches your room and places you down on your bed. You get irritated, angry even when he stays silent. “You said you would teach me how to make myself cum, Bucky.”

There’s a slight grin on his face, then he’s crawling his way on your bed and laying down. “C’mere.” He pats his thighs, then looks at you, waiting for you to move. But when you don’t, his jaw clenched and his eyes darken. “Don’t make my repreat myself, princess.”

You frown, clutching Miss Elephant harder as you swallow your excitement with the way he looked at you like some sort of meal. “Take off your shorts first.” So you follow his directions, peel off your pants before crawling your way to him.

You can practically feel your heart beat out of your chest. Excitement but nervous for what he’s planning on doing to you. Hopefully it’ll be what you asked and it’ll be all good. “Bucky...”

He grips your chin, forcing to you shut your mouth as he stares at you. There’s a hint of something predatory in his eyes. It’s not soft, reminds you the slightest of the way your Papa looked at you. Though, you hate that thought and shake it out of your head, thinking that Bucky wouldn’t do what your Papa did to you. He wouldn’t.

“Open your legs.” And when you do, he pulls your back close against his chest and there, you feel a bulge against the curve of your ass. Bucky doesn’t say anything else, just simply kneads your inner thighs with soft and gentle hands while his mouth latches on your neck the way he did two nights before. “You’re my good girl, right, babydoll?”

You nod, smiling and leaning against him. “Yes, Bucky. I’m your good girl.”

Then he’s moving closer, closer and closer to where your panty clad cunt sits, wet and excited for his touch. You whimper when he sucks on the nape of your neck, licking and nipping slightly at the skin. And when, god, when he finally touches you, slips his hand beneath your underwear and touches you bare.

“Oh, honey, you’re so wet.”

You giggle. “I am?”

“Yes, honey. You’re so excited for me, aren’t you?” You nod, gasping when his finger digs deeper into you cunt, circling your clit so softly. “Feel that? That’s your little clit, honey. It’s what makes you feels good. You rub it like this when you want to cum.”

You let out a high pitch whine, your toes curling when he presses your clit. He can tell you like it but this is about you, this is about you learning things. Which is why he pulls his hand away but he makes you lick his fingers, swirling his finger around your tongue. “You taste good, don’t you, baby?”

“Yeah...”

“Why don’t you touch yourself for me, princess. Show me how much you want to cum.”

There’s a pout on your lips when he says this, though however much you want to cum, you want him to do it. But his directions say you do it, so you do it. “ _Honey_.”

You answer him with a huff, your irritation showing when he refuses to do the deed for you. Then again, you asked him to teach you... Your fault really. And so you dip your hand down your panties, your slit is wet and sopping through your underwear making you moan. “Rub it like that, princess. Little circles.”

God, does it feel good. Just like tiny little sparks in your cunt while you rub slowly and softly, it’s a feeling that you can definitely get used to. Wholeheartedly and personally, you can understand why people do this... Hell, why Bucky does this.

And while it’s best at that, you weren’t going to lie, you wanted Bucky’s more.

And he could tell when your hand slowed down, your breathing even while you were leaned up against him with heavy eyes. “Bucky...”

“You want my fingers, don’t you, babydoll?”

You gave him a sad and desperate pout along with a small nod. “Yes, please, sir.” He lets a dark chuckle rumble, vibrating against your back and it makes you whimper thinkinh that was making fun of you.

That thinking goes south when you hear a loud rip, your favourite underwear home and broken from your body and you gasp. “That was my favourite...”

There’s a kiss to your pulse, soft murmurs of his words near your ear. “I’ll buy you all the panties you what, babydoll. But this—” He circles your cunt; smears your arousal all over and you melt. Doesn’t care about the unruly tuft of unkempt hair, and simply just judges your legs further open. “—This, right here, is irreplaceable and it’s mine. That means no one gets to touch your pussy except for you and me. And if they do, you tell me, okay?”

You nod, turning your head to hide it against his shoulder when you let out a loud whining moan. “Yes, sir. Only you.”

And just as you were about to cum, nearly on the edge of orgasm while your toes curled in anticipation, he pulled out. You looked at him with a scowl, parting your mouth to yell at him but he kisses you before you can even reprimand him. “I want to touch myself while you do the same. Think you can do that?”

Hesitant, you shrug. “You’re going to take out your...?”

Bucky nods. “You can call them a cock or a dick. There’s no shame in saying those words, honey. It’s what they are. Like the way you call your down there, pussy.”

“Papa use to say those words when he was angry.” Your face contorts, nose scrunching up upon hearing those explicit words.

“I’m not angry, honey. But if someone touches your pussy in a way that’s angry or when you say no, you have to tell me, okay? Because that’s not right and you need to report them.” You nod at this, taking in every information he tells you. But when your crotch throbs in need of an orgasm, you cross your legs. “Is your pussy still excited?”

You let a small nod out. “I still didn’t cum.”

“Well, babydoll, just lay down on the bed with your legs up, kay? I’ll sit across from you and you can touch yourself to make yourself cum. I want to see you touch yourself the way I taught you.”

“Okay, Bucky.”

He smiles, drags a finger along your bottom lip which makes your heart flutter in appreciation. You liked this, so much. Especially with the way he made you feel, both physically and mentally. Like you were worth teaching, you were worth something. Your Papa always said that wasn’t the case for you, that you were stowaway, that you would amount to nothing.

Not to Bucky, that you knew of.

And when you did as he told, laid back down on your back with knees bent up; you were fully aware of the way he looked at you with primal eyes. You felt exposed, in all honesty, he’s never see you like this: all spread out for him, legs parted.

Yet somehow, you didn’t care. Either it was him or you but he made you feel comfortable, like this was a normal thing to do. Like him stroking himself free on your vanity chair. “Well, go on.”

So cocky and direct. You can see why girls fawn over him.

When you do start again, your orgasm builds in the pits of your stomach when your fingers caress and circle your little button. You know it’s not long until you’re near your climax, you can tell Bucky js as well when you peer between your legs, his eyes are dark and slanted when he looks at you.

His hands are stroking up and down his shaft, makes you wonder if you can do that with him as well. Touch him the way he touches you, the way he makes you feel good. You want nothing but to simply return the favour. “You’re a good girl, aren’t you, princess?”

You answer him with a weak nod, too caught up in anything but your pleasure. “I’m gonna cum, Bucky.”

Then his answering you with a groan, then a growl. “That’s alright, honey. I’m close too.”

And when you’re mewling and bucking your hips, that’s when he calls your name, following with a string of other curse and praises to eager you on. It’s loud and unfiltered, luckily Tony has soundproofed the walls for every room after that one incident with Bucky and some one night stand he hand.

Your brows furrow, jealous beating up your chest in a way you don’t like at all. This is suppose to be about you, suppose to be the way you’re cumming. Instead, you’re worried about a one night stans with Bucky and his dick in some other girl’s cunt.

“Look at me when you cum, princess.” His voice is hoarse and deep when he calls you once again. There’s no room for mistakes or arguement in his face and you don’t even want to began. Instead, you fix your gaze at him while your fingers do magic.

Loud grunts from him and small needy whimpers from you. It’s melodic. Almost a symphony as the sounds clash.

And he looks just as beautiful as ever when tendrils of hair frame his face while the muscles bugle out of his shirt while he jerks himself off.

While you? Bucky thinks you may have been a god given gift sent from the heavens jusy the way yoire laid out like that on the bed. He’s seen many women before and while all of them are good, they can’t compare to the your noise feel like music to his ear.

And just like that, the two of you breaks. He’s the first to finish, leaking all over his metal hand while you drip shamelessy down onto your bedding, creating an undeniable wet spot on the fabric.

With a heaving chest and heavy eyes, your hand goes slack, tired of the work you’ve done tonight. “Oh...” Your cunt throbs, legs twitching and you attempt to close them in an effort to relieve yourself of the orgasm.

Your grip on Miss Elephant tightens, hopefully this time not ripping off an eye. And for a second, theres just pure silence in the room while Bucky attempts to calm himself down.

The room is eerie, uncomfortable. Though, rhags the least of your concern if it weren’t for the exhaustion seeping into your body. “Bucky?”

A second passes before he answers. “Yes, honey?”

“Did I do it right?”

A chuckle passes his lips, then he gives himself a moment to clean the mess he’s made then he’s making his way over to you. His large body hovers over your own, makes you feel incredibly small under his gaze. “You were nothing but perfect. You did so well.”

“I did, didn’t I?” You say with a looped grin. It makes him smile at the way you looked so fucked out and he didn’t even get to touch you to make you cum.

“That was all you.” With a hand on your cheek, he’s incredibly warm compared to your own. He runs a thumb along your skin, rubs a circle till your eyes flutter close. “What colour of undies for you want?”

“Just the white ones, please.”

He smiles. “Okay.” And when he returns, he’s got a sweater in place and the underwear in the other. He’s careful when he slips on the cotton fabric, pulls it over your lower half with ease as if you were this fragile doll. He does the same with the sweatshirt, pulling off your camisole revealing your bare breasts to him, but he’s covering you up already before he can stare any longer; feeling the guilt seep inside if he were to ogle you in such a state.

“Are you going to sleep here tonight?” You ask, your eyes heavy while you peer at him.

“Do you want me to?” You nod which makes him kiss your nose in return. “Okay. Scoot on over and give me space. I’ll just turn the lights off.”

When he returns and slips in beside you, he faces you with the glow of the lamp painting his pale face with yellow. You smile when you see him, thinking of how he’s nothing but gorgeous. To the dimples on his chin, to the scar from pre-serum Steve falling on him, he was an Adonis. A paradox of a person, thinking of how one can be such a gentle creature both in bed and as a person.

Your smile widens at the thought and he doesnt fail to catch it. Making him raise a brow at you. “What’s on your mind, pretty girl?”

You sigh. “Just... us.” You gave him a shrug. “I don’t know. But I really like these lessons, it’s just that... I- Um, I don’t know if you give them to other people.”

His brows raises at comment, realizing what you had meant. “Other people?” He shook his head at his own answer. “No, of course not. This is special, only for you and me.”

“But my Papa said only people in love touch each other like we do. He said I won’t ever find it but you touch me.”

Bucky’s face softens, thinks of the many wrong things that you’ve been thought in your life. His curiosity gets the best of him, sadly, and hopes for whatever question he may ask, it won’t scare you away. “What kind of person is Papa, Y/n?”

You hold Miss Elephant closer to you, almost as if you were afraid. “Um... Okay, so they kept me in a room and sometimes he comes in and checks up on me. He tells me stuff when I got bored, tells me story of how the things we do are sinful. He says it’s wrong so I’ve never done any of it until now.”

There’s a frown on Bucky’s face. “Are you okay, Bucky?” But then his smile returns, it’s forced but hopefully she can’t tell.

“Yes, honey. I am. I’m just curious. Your Papa doesn’t sound like a good man.” He watches as your chest heave and hear your heart race. You don’t like this topic, he can tell. He’ll push for more answers another day. “It’s okay. You’re tired. We’ve had a long night. Just go to sleep, honey.”

And that you do, finding comfort in knowing that Bucky is right by your side the way your stuffies are all night. He’s got an arm around you, your head laid on his chest and soon you drift off to sleep just as he does.

Another lesson for another night. You liked this one.


	4. Lesson Four: Eating her Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the truth of your past resurfaces, things between you and bucky’s lesson become more big and scandalous.

He’s gone that same morning, leaves nothing but a note on your vanity and you frown when his large frame isn’t beside yours on the bed.

You push thoughts of him aside anyways and continue on with your day. Peter is still here, you find comfort and a friend with him during breakfast.

Everyone doesn’t wake up until 9 on weekends but you however, seem to be awake before any of them. So, Peter joins you during and after breakfast. He’s kept you busy throughout the day, asking for help with his project for school, fixing some of the rips on his suit, and going shopping for his anniversary with MJ.

Whatever he can to distract you from Bucky and the funny part is, Peter had no clue.

He took you out for lunch. Promised you some waffles from iHop and you gladly jumped up and down and agreed.

And while sitting across from Bucky in the booth, patiently sitting waiting for your order to come, you catch him smiling at you across. Heat rushes to your cheeks, making you flush in embarrassment and avert your eyes away from him.

“How was your day, honey?” He asked. So mundane and so normal, you liked the premise of it. The way Bucky treated you like a person and not some thing left broken by HYDRA. You enjoyed the normalcy.

Though, you gave him a shrug. “It was fine.” It really was okay. And though you spent your day with Peter, you wanted to spend it with Bucky. Maybe just do stuff like this all day, watch some movies in the common room. Nothing could beat that. “You were gone all day.”

His eyes widened a bit at your words, surprised himself that you’ve waited for his arrival and his presence. “I was out for a run with Steve.”

Then you scoffed. “All day? I doubt it.” Your tone wasn’t intentionally supposed to sound harsh, mean even but it did and Bucky looked at you with slit eyes.

“What’s wrong with you?”

You ignored his gaze. “Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing if you’re acting like this, Y/n. Is it about last night? I apologize if I overstepped your boundaries with my questions. I won’t do it again.” His gaze softens, perhaps realizing that it nah have been his question last night and he knew he shouldn’t have asked those questions.

“It’s not that...” And while your answer was under your breath, it didn’t matter to someone with enhanced hearing who could hear miles away than most normals. “It’s just... I don’t know but are you seeing someone?”

Bucky’s face drops, his head reaching out to you within second. “I told you, princess. I am with no one but you. There’s no one else I would do this with.” You eye the hand on top of yours, feeling your heart clench at the way he makes you feel. Sad, happy, sometimes jealous. And you don’t even know why. “Now, where are you getting these frivolous ideas from?”

You give him a shrug of your shoulders. “I don’t know. You just left me this morning alone in my bed and never came back.”

Bucky frowns, reaches for your face and draws your face up by your chin. His eyes are soft, kind and gentle in every way that makes you feel safe. “Like I said, I went on a run with Steve and then I did some errands after while I was out. And by errands, I actually mean errands, not that I was fucking someone else.” He watches as you give him a huff then a pout of your lips. “Is my babydoll jealous?”

Your eyes widen, making you pull back away from his touch. “N- no!”

He chuckles at your reaction, only for it to be interrupted when the waitress waltz in with yours and his order. She excused herself quickly, almost as seeming to feel the intrusion between you and Bucky’s meal. As soon as she’s gone, you’re digging into your waffles like a mad man starved.

Loud cursing moans coming from your mouth as your eyes flutter close in pure delight. And as Bucky watches with a grin, he definitely doesn’t fail to miss the oncoming hard on he’s sporting in his pants. He lets out a cough, attempting to bring you back to reality and to simply stop you from getting him hard.

You gave him a look, your doe eyes wide with innocence as if you truly had no clue what you were doing. “You alright, Buck?” You found his face red and embarrassed, almost wondering what could’ve happened to make him that way.

It would definitely be a long day for the both of you.

He’s got you in his arms, cuddled in his lap while he hums a song busy watching the TV. While you eye him down with a grin filled with nothing but mischief. “What’re you thinking of, honey?”

“Nothing...” You lied with a giggle, hiding your face behind Miss Elephant. And when he turns to you, his hand kneading the soft skin of your inner thighs, you had a feeling that this was another lesson in the making.

He raised a brow at you. “Nothing, huh? So, if I pulled your panties down to look, I wouldn’t see you excited?” Your eyes widened at his word, so unwarned and unexpected, it’s almost not fair. “Well?”

You shook your head vigorously. “N- no! Of course—”

Before you know it, he’s between your legs, settled between soft thighs. Your shorts are gone, so with your panties and your breathing fastens at the moment. You hear him tsk, not once, not twice but thrice. “Liar.”

Then he’s got you pressed against the couch, a hand softly over your stomach, pushing your camisole up till your breasts fall from the fabric. It’s all so familiar to you, all thanks to his lessons, but still, somewhere deep inside, your Papa’s voice echoes loud.

“My pretty girl is a liar.” Your eyes shot wide when he takes that first lick. Unwarned but it’s gentle, little kisses to your clit before he takes himself to engulf your cunt in his mouth. Your hand rush to the forest of brown hair, pulling gently at his roots in order to pull him close; as if his mouth eating you starved was enough.

You wanted more.

You wanted him wholeheartedly.

You wanted him to yourself.

He made sure of that, as if he could read your mind, he pulled your thighs open and your hips closer. He ate you like this, like he wanted nothing but you. Like he wanted to show you wonders beyond your fingers.

This is his special kiss. The same one he promised to give you nights before you learned to touch yourself when he’s gone. The only problem, you wanted him by your side always. A simple problem, though not with such a simple solution.

“Bucky...”

He holds the hand on your stomach, squeezes with a gentle reassurance. “I know, honey. It’s okay, you can cum for me.”

Just like that, you break in every sense of way. With tears edging your eyes and your toes curling in climax, you let out a high pitched moan of his name that echoes down the hall with such ferocity. Hips bucking and whining, he practically has to hold you back down as he laps your finish up.

And when he finishes, pulls away with a string of saliva connecting his mouth to you, he peers up at you, eyes are heavy and lips are slick and sopping wet. While you, god, like a little darling, your cheats heaves up and down with your bare breast in the open.

If it weren’t for the tower being empty today, he may have been locked in his room, stuck under thick quilted covers while the lamp faintly lit up the space. A sad image, truly. If it weren’t for you.

Giving you a fragile kiss to your thigh, he leaned his head on it after. He let out a small hun when your finger ran themselves through his hair, kindly massaging his scalp afterwards. “I want to just stay here, like this.”

“Me too.” He confessed.

Though, sadly, it’s long lived when FRIDAY’s voice echoes in the room, calling out the super soldier’s name loud and clear. His presence is needed in the meeting room by the Captain and Mr. Stark.

He lets a loud groan, irritation present in his voice when he peels himself off you with a frown. “I’m sorry, honey.” You frown, bringing his knuckles to your lips.

“It’s okay. I’ll see you later, I guess.” He nods, hands you your shorts then he’s off, leaving you in your own devices.

A sigh leaves you, making your curl up in to yourself when the silence becomes uncomfortable and eerie. Even when the TV is playing lowly in the back, you seem to hear nothing but your own thoughts.

And sadly, he’s there too. With that little girl in _**that**_ room, sitting crisscross while she peered up at the large man in front of her. She’s clueless to what he’s saying but she knew she couldn’t say anything knowing that you’d most likely be hit or yelled at for being disobedient.

_**Her**_ Papa. Her everything as a child, looking down at her in disgust when she even let out the slightest sneeze. He muttered something under his breath, soemthing about being useless, disgusting, something else the eight year old couldn’t understand.

You frowned at the thought. You don’t know why, he’s said many things to you before other than being useless and disgusting, but this... You tried to think of Bucky, think of him comforting you but you can’t because he’s still stuck in your head, taunting you.

He’s only gone when you’re passed out, loud snores falling from your mouth on the couch while Miss Elephant sits in your arms.

You’re woken up not too long later. A feeling on your cheek tickles you awake and your eyes shot open to see Bucky crouched down to your level.

“Hey, baby.” He cooed the pet name at you while knuckles caresses your cheek.

You gave him a small yawn paired with a smile. “Hey, you’re back!” Your face beams at this, realizing that he’s returned. However, you see the slight gloom on his face, speaking more than the words he hasn’t spoke. “What’s going on?”

He sighs. “I have to leave for a mission.”

“What? You jolt up in your seat, eyes wide at the news like the first time your Papa said he would be leaving you. “Wait, where- Why? Bucky—”

He’s quick to reassure you. A hand on your wet cheek that makes him realize that you’re already crying. “Baby, I won’t be gone long. Steve just found some important information regarding another HYDRA base. We’re being sent out tonight to check it out.”

“HYDRA? But Bucky, you don’t know what might be out there. Maybe, what if...”

His brows furrowed, attempting to understand you through your fit of of rambling. Until he could calm you down, he couldn’t understand. “What if what?”

“I don’t know. I feel silly but what if Papa is still out there? What if he takes you too?”

His eyes widen, pretending to be in shock. He knew. There was no one in the world that a normal man like him couldn’t be part of some fascist organization. “Your Papa is HYDRA?” Then you nod. “Is he the one who took you in?” And by took you in, kidnapped at the feeble age of four. He takes it that you were too small to remember the whole story but enough of it to piece together.

When you nod, it confirms everything he’s been researching. His jaw clenches and he sighs in frustration. “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. I’ll be back, I promise you. ‘kay?”

Hesitant, rightfully so, you look at him with worry. He reassures you once again, kissing your nose then your lips in a loving manner. “You stay safe yourself. Keep in your room unless you need to eat. If you’re going out, ask Peter or anyone to escort you. And let FRIDAY know to contact me if anything, I mean, anything happens.”

“Okay.”

“Good.” He pushes himself off the ground, stands up, tall and pride while looking over you on the couch. “I’ll see you later.”

And then he’s off. Hoping that he’ll return to you like he always does after mission. He promised and knowing Bucky Barnes the whole time you’ve been here, he never breaks a promise.


	5. Lesson Five: Blowjobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Bucky returns after a gruelling mission, he comes to you for some remedy, also leading you to learn how to properly pleasure a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is talks about child abuse in this chapter, so i warn whoever is reading before hand to skip if this triggers you.

He’s got guns blazing and chest heaving when he enters the common room. All eyes are on him and solely him. Steve’s face is filled with concern and while he wanted nothing more to rush over to him, he knew he wasn’t who Bucky wanted to see.

He knew better than most of the team that this little predicament with you and him were more than what it seemed. He knew there was something more than a friends with benefit.

Plus, he wouldn’t let you be put in that position if he didn’t know that Bucky was head over heels for you. “She’s in her room.”

Then hes off. Leaving a trail of nothing but desperation in the room. They all share a look with each other, eventually turning to Steve for an answer but he simply gave them a shrug, telling them if they wanted to know they would have to ask him or you.

Everyone valued you as a part of the team despite the fact that you couldn’t fight. They still treated you just as normal as everyone else, with the few exceptions here and there whenever it came to some situations.

And while, much like Steve, they knew of your situation with Bucky, they trusted the man enough to let you guide the way into life.

Plus, anyone with two eyes could see that he was helplessly in love with you. Though, that seemed to be another conversation for another day.

When he rushed into your room, an ache in his chest when he came to see you fixing your stuffies in order, his arms were around your figure within seconds. Your eyes shot wide at the sudden intrusion, though you smiled when you realized it was no one but your Bucky. “Hey.”

“I need you.”

And it was enough for you. Turning around to face him, he housed dull eyes and dark circles. His brows were furrowed in pain which made you frown. _**Oh, Bucky...**_ And when you drew his chin up, just as he always did, he was anything but happy. “Okay.”

You forced him to sit, the water running warm along bare skin. He found your eyes across from him, sat against the bathroom wall, you gave a hefty sigh. With an eye open you, a smirk presented itself on your lips.

He was big enough to fill the tub. Even more so when he reached his arm over to you, gripping your chin while a thumb ran over your slick lip. The slightest gasp leaving your mouth when he pushes a finger in.

His metal one.

Doesnt make a difference to you, in all honesty.

You **_loved_** him equally. Both human or not.

Even if he didn’t. That’s okay.

“You’re mine.” He says, though it almost sounds like a reassurance to himself when it leaves his mouth. “Mine.”

You can’t say a word, not with the way his fingers occupy your mouth. Instead, you give him a weak nod. Youre his. That’s all that matters. Your Papa doesn’t. He’s gone. Hopefully— **No**. He is.

And you want nothing but to give Bucky the world. A favour in return... The special kisses. So, you pulled away his hands, earning you a look from him that you did your best to ignore.

Every inch towards him made your stomach churn. You’ve never seen anyone do this before, let alone do it yourself. “I want to give you special kisses.” You admit.

The water sloshed around when he parted his legs. Your eyes averting away from his own then to his crotch. You swallowed nothing but air. Your heart raced with every passing second and your hand shook with nervousness.

He saw this and took your face in the palm of his hand. “You can say no, honey. This isn’t a priority. I just want to be with you.”

You shook your head in response. “I want to. It’s just... I didn’t prepare for this.” You bit your lip in anticipation.

“That’s alright.” He says, tucking fallen hairs away from your face. “It’ll be a learning curve for you. Another one of our little lessons. Yeah?”

You gave him a nod. “Good. Just hold it firmly, but not too tight.” You do what youre told, grabbing his whole length in your hand and you gulp at the sight of him so big compared to your tiny hands. “Then, remember when you touched yourself and I was watching?” Another nod. “Just like that, slowly up and down. Spit on your hand if you’d like but you don’t have to.”

Your eyes became wide. “Spit on my hand?” You asked, almost disgusted by the idea.

Though, when he nodded his head, you came to terms that it must be the right way to do it. “Only if I’m dry and not wet. But we’re in the tub, so it doesn’t matter.”

You bit your lip, concentrating on stroking your hand up and down his length. God, hes big. Both king and thick and you wondered how girls were able to fit him inside. You almost worried that you’d rip if you attempted to have inside.

“Go on, bit faster, then.”

Your heart races when you look down at his crotch. He’s so hard, the tip of him is a raging red while little beads of a sticky liquid pools. Your mouth waters at the sight. The sight of him is one too see, the way his abs clench hard when you give him a particular good stroke.

“Oh, fuck, bunny.” Your heart flutters at the pet name, never seeming to have you blushing so hard under his gaze. Cheeks so warm, they make the tub water seem cold. “Put it in your mouth.”

You jolt up in your position, head snapping up with wide eyes. “My mouth?” Your voice is nothing but surprised. You suppose this is how you’re going to give him his special kiss, the only problem is you wonder how it’s going to fit inside. “I don’t think it’ll fit, Bucky.”

He chuckles. “That’s okay. Just suck on it like a lollipop. Y’dont gotta take it all in.”

Hesitantly, you nod. Then look down at him in your hands. You feel your mouth water at the sight, perhaps it’s either because you’re aroused or attempting to prepare yourself. Either way, you take the first lick, tasting him on the top of your tongue when you spread it flat against his tip.

He groans, makes you pull back a little before reminding yourself that he makes noises because he feels good. And right now, you must be making him feel extraterrestrial with the way he’s grunting.

Even more so when you do what hes asked and suck on the tip just a little. Hes big... Incredibly so that even one fourth of him inside has you full to the brim. You peer up at him through your lashes, seeing his head thrown back against the wall while his chest heaves up and down.

You feel proud.

You feel happy.

You’re doing this to me. Not some blonde bitch from the bar. Not some one night stand who’ll he’ll kick out the next day. **You**. A permanent in his life.

“That’s it, bunny. I’m gonna let go.” You smiled with him still present in your mouth, content that you were able to make him feel good just as he had done to you many nights ago. And when he did break, he came inside of you. Bitter and tart, you gasped when you tasted him on every bud on your tongue.

You pulled away, a string of his finish and your saliva connecting you to him. Your eyes are red, watery with tears as you peer at him. “Open.” He tells you, sticks a finger down, finger slick and sticky with his own finish. He smiles. “Swallow it for me, bunny.”

And you do. Eyes closed both in distaste but pleasure as it goes down smoothly. You sucked on his fingers, tongue swirling over his thick fingers with a smile. “ _God_ , princess.”

You giggled when he groaned, pulling his hand away by the wrist as you do so. A kiss to his knuckles, his wrist, then to his arm. Hes staring at you lovingly, something different in his eyes. And it makes him pull you close to him. Bury his face into the crook of your neck and sigh.

Your fingers are buried in the locks of his hair. “I can’t find Miss Elephant.” You admit, pressing your cheek on the top of his head.

“You left it in my room.”

“Oh.”

You and him stay like that for a moment. Warm water turning cold while he stays comfortable in your arms. There’s a small hum from you, an old song that he can’t recognize, but it sounds familiar. And when the moment passes, you’re the first to break the silence.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You feel him huff against the valley of your breasts.

“No.” He says. “Just hold me tight.”

You give him nothing but a nod then a kiss to his forehead. Smiling when he rocks back and forth you a little. And that, you do.

* * *

You’re fast asleep on your bed, Miss Elephant rightfully in your arms while the dark takes over. Bucky smiles at the way your cheek is squished against your pillow. You’ve moved most of your stuffies in to the closet to give him space when he would sleep over, despite him saying that he didn’t mind all the bears and animal stuffed toys you slept with.

He leans over, just presses the lightest kiss to your temple before he’s peeling off the duvet from his bare torso. He doesn’t need anyways, he’s always warm and the cold is something he’s accustomed.

And as he takes his phone from the night stand, along with the pack of cigarettes he kept there one night, pads his way over to your balcony; the only room having one as it gave you the view of the garden. A longing sigh leaves his lips as he lights a piece, brings the cancerous thing to his mouth and takes a hit.

His phone buzzes in his hand, thanking himself for putting it on silent for your sake. And when he answers the call, Steve’s voice rings through his ear. “Hey, Buck. Just came to check up on you. Team’s a bit worried after you returned, haven’t seen Y/n all day either.”

Bucky gave a light sigh, his eyes peering up at the stars. “Yeah, I’m fine. Y/n’s fine too. She’s out like a light, right now. I... I just needed some time with her, I guess.” He heard Steve hum.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

That very same question again. One from you and another one from his best friend. He couldn’t tell you what he had seen. Not with the way HYDRA treated you.

With that being said, he himself couldn’t bring to go back to that basement. Tiny little shackles small enough for children... Fucking children where they were once kept, were now nothing but a cage of remains.

Cut his tongue off but it’s a miracle that you’ve even manage to get out alive. Let alone be speaking to him as you do everyday. To live a life, either it be a normal one or not.

He gave out. Letting a shaky sob that even himself couldn’t hold back. “They were children, Steve. Little kids. Stuck in little boxes chained to the wall. I was too late. Who knows what they had done to her. God, I can’t even began to imagine what they did.”

There’s a silence from Steve. He knows the blond is thinking. Almost as if he’s stepping on eggshells, careful not to break Bucky. “I... I think it’s best that you ask her yourself. You’re all she has, closer than anyone else in the team. If it brings you comfort, you’re doing this for her. Finding the reason why her life was taken away. There’s nothing we can do but leave it from the past but she can’t not knowing what it is. But dont get too buried in her own or you’ll find yourself sinking with it as well.”

Bucky thinks over his words before he speaks up again. He’s right. That blond headed punk is always right and sometimes he wonders if he’s the older one in the duo. Though, sometimes he hates it.

He sniffs, rubs away the tears and straightens his back. “Thanks, Stevie. For everything. For her.” He feels himself smile a little, dragging a long hit from the cigarette before blowing a large cloud of smoke out. Steve says his goodbye then the line ends.

He stands outside for a little while, listens to the crickets singing and watches the star twinkle. Then by conscious, his head turns and finds you still asleep under the moonlight. Just like that, he knew he would do anything for you, even if it means breaking himself apart.


	6. Lesson Six: Fingering Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your relationship with Bucky drastically changes and you’re not sure if these special lessons are all you want from him anymore.

“You want a what?”

Tony’s eyes are as big as his ego when he stares at you. It makes you giggle, the sight of all of your friends in the common room with perplexed faces has you squirming in your seat.

You hated the attention and the way they all looked at you like some animal in a cage made your stomach churn. **_Stop it. Why’re they looking at me like that._**

Your laugh falls quiet and so does the room.

“You want a job?” The billionaire reiterates. “ _You_?” Tony doesn’t mean any ill intent to his words, though he can’t help but feel surprised. “Why would you want a job, when you’ve got me!”

You frowned, taking offence in his words as if they were meant to hurt you. You knew he didn’t but the way he said it… As if you were incapable of nothing but sitting like a duck around the facility.

Dont get it wrong, you loved the freedom of roaming around the facility. But when Nat and Wanda would leave for girl’s night, you felt nothing but lonely. Even when Miss Elephant was with you through the night.

You suppose that’s how it always was supposed to be. Your Papa taught you that from day one. His teachings that as a woman, you were to do nothing but serve. Obviously, that wasn’t true when you had seen both Natasha and Wanda boss the boys around like they were soldiers in the army.

You looked up to them.

You wanted to be them.

Which is why you felt that immense ache in your chest when you found Wanda whispering something incoherent into Nat’s ear that made her grin in your direction.

“I guess you’re right…” You picked at the skin of your nails, that horrendous habit returning after nearly a year. And as you attempt to avert your eyes away from the team’s prying ones, you find Steve looking at you with nothing but ease. “I’ll be with Peter then.”

Then you’re off.

Not a single turn as you inhale those tears that edged on your lash line. You paused for a moment, breath heavy and hard that suddenly you felt like you couldn’t breathe. FRIDAY entered your ears, her voice seeming so humane you almost forgot she wasn’t real and by your side.

“Would you like me to call Sergeant Barnes, Miss Y/n?”

You nodded, though forgetting that she couldn’t see your action. So, you let out a weak whisper of a _yes_ , attempting for grab nothing but the wall.

**_Pathetic, you’re exactly what he said you’ll become._ **

Your eyes shot wide at the thought, shaking your head vigorously as if to shake the thoughts out. It didn’t work. Your Papa’s words just became louder and prominent. “Stop it...”

_Miss, Sergeant Barnes is on his way._

You shook your head. Your chest ached, felt like you were being crushed as the voice became too loud. And soon, those tears you wanted gone so bad, were no fallinh heavily down your cheek.

**_Stowaway. Useless. Thrash._ **

“Stop it, Papa.” You clawed at the roots of you hair, tugging roughly while cries of pain let out loudly. You were loud, no doubt. Though, you didn’t care and no one seemed to as well when no one ran down the hall because of your cries. Instead, you sat there, knees pulled against to your chest while you sobbed.

Then you felt it. The warm touch on your arm. His voice in the air as he called your name. “Baby.” You carefully lifted your head, eyes wide when you see Bucky in front of you with brows furrowed.

“Hey, c’mon.” He opened his arms for you, with no hesitation, taking the offer and letting his large figure engulf you. “It’s alright. I’m here.”

He looked around, finding no one but you in the hall. He swore the team was supposed to be watching you. They were here in the common room where you were supposed to be.

Instead, he took you to your room. Tucked you in your bed beside him as you sobbed into his chest. Whisperings of no muttered under your breath while you shook your head. “Baby, come back to me.”

**_No_**.

* * *

Eventually, though slowly, your cries gave out and you passed out. Your arms clutched around Bucky’s arm tightly, almost as if, even in slumber, you were afraid of being left alone.

He frowned at the sight. Even more so when he had to peel your arms away in order to find out what had gone wrong.

And when he entered the common room, the team still in their seats, they all found him abnormally quiet. Uncharacteristically so that the silence sends chills.

No one spoke up as the seconds passed, too afraid of the consequencesif they did. Bucky’s jaw clenched, the anger seeping into every pore in his body. “Would somebody care to explain why I had to listen to Y/n cry herself to sleep saying that she was unwanted and thrash?”

He found Natasha’s eyes flicker to Tony for the slightest second. Then his own are centred on the playboy. Just the way his hands are on the man’s neck, squeezing jusy enough to have him gasping.

The room filled with shouts, calls for the Winter Soldier’s name. All but pathetic as he wanted nothing but to break Tony Stark’s neck. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now.”

“Bucky.”

His head snapped to the blond. “Stay out of this Steve.”

The man sighed, placed a hand over his friend’s shoulder to pull him back. “Let him go, Buck. We were just joking around. She said she wanted a job. Tony just joked that she didn’t one because she had him.”

His eyes became lines when he looked at Tony. His mouth parting to open but a voice gets to him before he does.

“Bucky?”

His head turned at your voice. Finding you clawing at your eyes, face still swollen from sleep, and he couldn’t help his heart as it flutters at the sight of you.

He pushed himself off the man, rushing over to you and take you in his arms. Gladly, you melt into his embrace. Averting everyone’s prying eyes after your panic attack. “You were gone from bed.”

“I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry.” He shook his head, pat your hair smooth and kissed your temple. “Do you want to go to bed?”

You pulled away for a bit, shook your head and gave him a pout. You felt the team’s eyes on you, no doubt. And when you faced them, you gave them a small smile. “What’s for dinner?”

* * *

Your feet dangled off the bed while you laid on your back. A soft hum plays on your lips while you watched the new episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine on your phone. While Bucky... well, he’s sat beside you and keeping to himself.

Only bare in his shorts, his hair is braided in two pieces, all thanks to you after you had done it after dinner. He found your eyes gazing up at him, your show long forgotten. He gave you a smile. “What’s up, bunny?”

You shook your head, pushed yourself up and stole a kiss from his lips. “I love you.” Just like that, said so casually and so simple that you hadn’t realized what you’ve said.

“What was that?”

Your eyes shot wide, realizing the words that had slipped from your mouth so effortlessly. **_Fuck!_**

“N-nothing. Just.. Yeah, nothing.”

Bucky smiled, caressing your thigh as he peered down at you. A glint of mischief in those baby blues. Something dark and eerie that made your toes curl.

He kissed your lips when he leaned down. Muttered a coo against your skin and you sighed. “My pretty girl.” He says, littering kisses and hickeys all over your neck. And when he got to where your chest was, heaving and all. Nipples poking the fabric, he shakes a hand up your camisole. “So pretty.”

You gave him a giggle, soft and faint that turned into a moan when he kneads your beasts together. Thumb pressed against the center of your nipple, he kissed you harder.

“I’m so sorry for today.” You admit, earning a shake of his from him. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“No, baby.” He shook his head again, kissing between your breast. “You’re nothing but perfect. I’m glad you called me. You had every right to he upset. I love you too, my pretty girl.”

Your mouth parts when he slips a hand under your shorts, slipping under both that and your undies. “Oh, Bucky...”

You felt him nip against your naval. Hes moved down, further even and he’s pressing you against your bed. Your head is thrown to the side, finding Miss Elephant staring at you. Frowning, you push her away, gasping when Bucky kisses your clit with a light peck.

“Is this what you want, honey?”

You give him a weak nod.

“Why don’t we try something new tonight?”

Then another hum from you. Your eyes are heavy when you look at him between your legs. God, is he an Adonis. His face framed by the fallen tendrils of hair that wasn’t braided, his pretty blue eyes staring back at you. “Another lesson?”

“Yes, lovie.” He nods, presses a kiss to your inner thigh. “You want me to show you?”

**_Yes, please. Give it to me_**.

“Please.” So faint and so small, he wouldn’t have heard it if he didn’t have the serum. Nevertheless, he stays true to his words. You trust him. Bucky Barnes is a man of his words and he’s never hurt you. Not once nor ever. “Please, Bucky.”

And it makes him chuckle to hear such desperation in your plea. A tsk or two when he’s peeling everything but your top. And when he sees how incredibly wet you between parted thighs, he knew slipping in a finger or two would be no problem.

“Fuck, bunny.” He eyed the way you practically dripped wet onto the bed, smiling when you hissed as he gathered it up on his hands. Especially more so when he should said fingers into your parted [mouth](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpin.it%2F6WuIxDn&t=OGMzNmNjNmIxNmRiZTRjYWExOTQ4ODI0MzZhYzMyMWIwNjcxNGY4MSxlZjA1OTFiNDlkMmY0N2EzM2YwNTVlMDg2ZmJkY2E4YTYxZTFiZmQ4&ts=1605165752) and feeling the way your tongue swirled around metal digits. “You like tasting yourself, pretty girl?”

You couldn’t give him anymore than a simple hum, especially with him in your mouth. So, he pulled away, dragging wet fingers along your inner thighs. “Relax for me, baby.”

Then hes touching you. A finger down there, smearing your arousal all over your cunt and then hes pushing in. It’s not painful just unfamiliar with the way he stretches you out with own digit. And with a parted mouth and wide eyes, he looked at you hesitantly and stopped his movements.

He kissed your cheek. “You alright, bunny?”

“Yes. Just, slow down.” You nod. Then hes returning to what he was doing. Slow as ever, he eases in a finger and pulls back and pushes in. Unsure, his eyes look for any doubt in her face, he finds all but none. “That’s feels good, Bucky.”

“Yeah?” He smiled. “Think you can handle a second one?” You became quiet and suddenly he felt bad. “Dont have to say yes, baby. You can always say no whenever.”

“No, no. It’s... you feel so good right now inside. I just want to feel that.” He gave you a hun of approval, no judgement of any kind. There isn’t. This is all about you and making you feel good. That’s all he cared.

“That’s alright. I can do it with one.” You kissed his lips in return, attempting to return the gesture with tongue. And while occupied, he’s got his finger curling inside of you; touching places you never knew could he touch.

A moan. A loud one when he fucks your cunt like that. His movements are soft and slow but they’re enough to have you moaning his name like a bitch in heat. Bucky loves it. The ease. The sound. So comfortable and natural, his heart flutters at the sound. Because, god, he fucking loves you.

“Oh, baby. Does that feel good? Am I making my pretty girl cum?” Those words left with a chuckle from his mouth. Ever so taunting and teasing, he couldn’t help smile at the way you flushed and turned your head away from in embarrassment. “Nuh uh, princess. Look at me when you cum. I wanna see how good I make my baby feel.”

You wanted to speak, you truly did. But your orgasm got the best of goo and your voice shrieked when euphoria washed all over you. From your toes curling to your hands clawing at Bucky’s shirt, you came loud with a cry. “That’s it, baby. That’s right.”

His words coaxed you back down, kisses your stomach all over before he pauses for a moment and pulled pack. He caught the large scar on your hip bone, his eyes wide and hesitant as he pulled his fingers out of you. “Honey, how’d you get this?”

Your chest heaved, heavy but you attempted to catch your breath to answer his question. You got him looking at your torso, concern looming over his features that almost scared you thinking that you were in trouble.

“I got that when I got my surgery.”

“Surgery? What for?”

You bit your bottom lip, unsure if you were allowed to tell Bucky of the story. And he senses your hesitation as well, his brows furrowed while he looked at you for an answer. “Honey, where did you get it?”

You gave up. Sighed and frowned at him while the memory replayed. “I got it when I broke my hip when Papa was training me and he pushed me too hard and I broke it.”

His eyes shot wide. “What?”

And so did yours. “Don’t get mad!”

He pushed himself up and away from your legs, throwing the duvet over your bare bottoms while he looked at you with disgust and shock. “How old were you?”

A shrug. “I don’t know. I just remember I was in my bed throughout Christmas and Papa didn’t get me gifts because he said I didn’t deserve it. Can you turn on the TV, I want to watch Brooklyn Nine Nine.”

Bucky gave you a tsk, shaking his head in the process. “Nuh huh, you gotta tell me more first.”

“I already told you.” You pout, then returned to searching for the TV remote to turn it on manually. But he wouldn’t budge and gave you a desperate look. You pushed away at him, creating a space between you and him on the bed. “I said I already told you. Please stop asking me, Bucky.”

He heard the huff you let out. Angry, frustrated. He doesn’t know but he knew he shouldn’t have pushed. Especially when he saw the look on your brows, furrowed and pressed together as you focused on the TV. He sighed, pressed his forehead against the nape of back. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m just trying to piece things together.

Without turning you answer him. “I know. But Papa did a lot of stuff to me that I don’t want to talk about. So, please. Let it go. I want to watch my show.”

“Okay.” He pecked your cheek. “I love you too, you know?”

Then a smile blossomed on your face, you turned; finally. “Does that mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” You asked with pure genuine concern.

He chuckled at your face, squishing your cheeks together causing your lips to pucker up in result. He let out another laugh, his pretty blue eyes shinning with content. “I guess so, _girlfriend_.”

A giggle falls from your lips when he leans to kiss you. His stubble tickling your lips and cheek. “Okay! Okay! That tickles.”

And when he pulls away, you just fall back into his arms while the TV plays. With a grin reaching from ear to ear, she watches the show with him. Eventually, falling asleep with his fingers massaging your head. God, you love him.


	7. Lesson Seven: Sex Toys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Bucky have some fun at a Halloween party as a new official couple, however, it’s ruined when news of your past resurface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for child abuse, medical experiments. Just in case for anyone who wants to skip this chapter.

He’s got you pressed against the conference table, head buried between parted legs as his mouth did wonders on your cunt. A lick there, a finger inside. Bucky was making you feel good.

He always does. Especially now. He was fingering you just like he did last week. Your body splayed on the table, minutes after his meeting with Steve about god knows what.

You knew you couldn’t care less. The moment FRIDAY noticed of you Bucky’s request, you dropped your Switch and hopped over to the lower levels of the facility: where only agents were allowed. You weren’t.

And the moment your head popped in, he snuck you inside the room and pinned you underneath him. A kiss to your lips, a mutter of an **_I love you_** , then hes got a hand snaking up your shirt.

“I’ve missed you.” Was his excuse. And so did you. Perhaps it may have been the reason why you let him touch like this, or maybe you were aching. Either way, Bucky has you under wraps. He pulled away at the slightest, gave your thigh a peck. “Fuck, have I missed you.”

He’s been gone for only three days. Another mission. But arrived before Halloween, thankfully. A shriek came from you when his finger hit what he called your g-spot. Curled so perfectly that your backed arched in so much pleasure. “Oh my god.”

You felt him smile against your cunt. A knowing one of what he was doing to you. “That’s it, baby. Cum for me.” And just like that, you did. Loud and clear, thankful for the soundproofed walls on the conference room. As the sound of squelching echoed the room.

Your chest heaved with your breathing. Because fuck, he never failed to disappoint both in so many ways than one. Physically and sexually. “Bucky...” You called his name in a desperate attempt to stop his actions, you were just as sensitive the first time he touched you, you couldn’t handle another orgasm. “Stop it, I can’t—”

He pulled away just like that. His lips slick with your arousal and finish, red and plump from sucking. Fuck, did he look like a god. Especially when he gave you that smirk after he finished making you orgasm, you couldn’t help but giggle. “C’mere.”

With your bottoms bare, not caring, you jumped from the table and onto his lap. His large arms wrapped around you perfectly and you melted. “How was the mission?”

He shook his head. “None of that. Today is about us.”

You frowned at his response, therefor lack of. There was something inside of you telling that he was keeping something away. He’s been gone in missions quite often, most of the time him saying that it’s HYDRA. And while you believed him, you weren’t stupid; innocent and unknowing, but not stupid. Perhaps there was something more than HYDRA.

Again, he wouldn’t tell you.

“Is your costume ready?”

Your face beamed at the question. It was Halloween! Your favourite night of the year ever since you started living in the facility. Tony always threw these extravagant Halloween parties where everyone would dress up and you loved nothing more of it!

Back then, your Papa would’ve smacked you if you mentioned anything off the ordinary. With him, holidays didn’t exist unless it was Christmas. He gave you gifts quite often... if only you deserved it. You made sure to work hard for it. Especially in training and when they would poke you with the needles.

“Yes! Peter helped me make my tail and ears. I can’t wait. Is our jerseys ready?” And when he gave you nod paired with a smile, you squealed with excitement. “C’mon. Peter is here today and we’re making those sugar cookies we got at Walgreens.”

* * *

And when the two of you return to the common room, Peter, in fact, is making those sugar cookies. He greets you and then Bucky, his eyes dropping to your intertwined hands causing his brows to raise.

“Hey! You weren’t suppose to start without me!” You pulled away from Bucky and rushed over to the teenager, jumping in to his arms with a hug, Bucky felt some jealousy boil up in his blood. “Are they still hot?”

Peter nodded then gave Bucky a wave. The super soldier gave a nod in return and sat across them by the bar stool; watching as you pick up the steaming cookies with bare fingers and hissing as you do so. “They’re still hot, dumbass.”

You stuck your tongue out, not caring as you shoved the cookies into your mouth. “They’re really good. You should try some, Buck. Papa used to make cookies for me back then. But they were leftovers from whatever guard didn’t want them. So they aren’t as good as these.”

The men froze as you casually mentioned your Papa. Peter’s eyes finding Bucky’s with a look of hesitation. It’s not unusual for you to be talktive but lately, just lately, you’ve mentioned him frequently just as your panic attacks and nightmares has frequented. A coincidence? Unlikely.

“Why’re you looking at me like that?” You asked, a crease in your brow line when you stared at the men; frozen in their spots.

Bucky shook his head, gave you a smile and reached his hand outwards. “You’ve got a little something on your cheek, hun.” He rubs the crumbs away and you smiled at him, teeth and all.

Peter felt embarrassed to say the least. Feeling as if he’s invaded such a private moment between the two of you. Plus, he’s just learned of right now that you and him were together. So, yeah, this was a lot to take in. “So...”

Bucky’s eyes found Peter’s, a blush to his pale cheeks as the teenage boy scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He grinned before asking, “So...?”

You turned to the men, then to Bucky and kissing his cheek before hopping over to the cupboard to get a glass of water. But Bucky’s focus remained on the boy, waiting for his answer or continuance of his question, whatever it be.

“You and Y/n?” He breathed out, feeling a little chuckle come out. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, sir. I think highly of you and respect you. You’re a good guy. I’m just shocked that someone like Y/n is in a relationship... Given with what she’s been through and stuff.”

Bucky found genuine concern in the boy’s words. He can’t blame him. You’re his best friend. The only friend really as you don’t really leave the facility that often nor are you really allowed to leave for too long. Which is why you’ve found comfort and a friend in Peter. He cares for you and he’s thankful for that as there’s someone for you when he’s not here.

“I get your concern, Pete. We’re just taking things slow, I guess. I mean, I’m showing her more beyond the stuff we do in bed—”

“—You do stuff in bed with her?”

The question leaves the boy faster than he could close his mouth. Only for him to realize that the question was very invasive and personal especially for him to ask his best friend’s boyfriend.

And with the way Bucky’s brows creased with a glare showed more than enough of the irritation and offence he took from the question.

“Fuck. I don’t mean... I just worry about her, she literally has done nothing in her whole life that a twenty year old girl should be doing. I thought sex would be the last thing that she should be doing. Let alone a relationship.”

“We haven’t done anything more than touching, if that’s what you’re asking. Like I said, we’re taking it slow and I’m giving her the wheel here. We do what she’s comfortable with and nothing more.” His tone came out harsher than it needed to be and he almost felt bad with the way Peter’s eyes looked to the ground with shame. Then he turned to you, too busy rummaging through the fridge for some other food to care.

“Look, kid. I know you mean well. I do too. This is what Y/n wants as far as I’m concerned. If she didn’t, I would back away if she asked. This relationship is more than what we’re doing and we’re genuine in this. But I don’t appreciate you asking such invasive and personal questions about what we do in bed. If you want to know more, ask her yourself. I have no problem with that as she’s closer to you than me.”

Peter gave him a small nod. His eyes averted from the man in shame and embarrassment. Then Bucky stood up, walking over to him with a pat on his shoulder. “You’re a good kid, Peter. Just learn your boundaries next time.” They exchanged a look then Bucky turned to you. “Hey, sweetheart, I’m gonna meet with Steve for a little something. I’ll see you tonight, ‘kay? Just knock on my door before you get ready.”

You looked at him with those doe eyes, pouting when you realized that he was leaving you again and he noticed. “Don’t be late, please. And I forgot Miss Elephant in your room again.”

He gave you a nod before leaning to peck your lips. “I’ll take care of her. Promise.” You giggled against his lips. “Love you, bunny. I’ll see you later.”

“I love you too, Bucky. Bye.”

And when you returned your focus to Peter, he gave you a small smile, it’s forced but not enough for you to question it. “So, what do you think?” Grinning at him with a small giggle, brushing hair away from your flushed face.

He looked at you with brows raised. “What do I think?”

Hopping on the bar stool and you looked at him. Your chin sitting in the palm of your hands while your feet dangled off the chair. “Yeah, of my _boyfriend!_ Bucky.”

The boy gave you a small chuckle, clearly referring back to the conversation with Bucky. He cleared his throat, coughing. “Well, I think he’s... cool.”

“Cool?” You let out a snort. “What does that mean?” Hesitant, you looked at your best friend with a raised brow.

Peter shrugged, shoved a sugar cookie into his mouth and then spoke full. “Nothing. I think he’s just cool. And nice, for you, I mean. Hes... **_cool._** ”

You took as it is. Shrugged and then conversed in another conversation with Peter. You always valued his opinion, even when it came to Bucky. He was your best friend and to be fair, only friend who actually talks to you like a normal person who doesn’t have years of baggage.

That doesn’t say Bucky doesn’t. Of course he does, he’s just a little hesitant knowing that he’s shared the same trauma with HYDRA. It’s more so a him thing not you thing. You didn’t blame him but you did blame the team for acting like you were a helpless little child.

You may be a little behind on most of the stuff in the world but you weren’t helpless. Heck, you event aight yourself how to cook basic breakfast, lunch, and dinner meals on YouTube, you’re sure a child can’t do that.

Plus, you were thankful for Bucky. Sure, maybe sex and other sexual activities weren’t the best place to start but he had to start somewhere. You were the one who told him anyways. So that let to another thing which brought you here. Your little crush on the man turned more... A relationship. A real one.

And if only could your Papa see the things you’ve accomplished now. He had no say, not now nor ever. You were valid. Completely worth it. And he couldn’t do anything but role in his grave.

* * *

You were prepared hours early, excited beyond your bones, you waited up by Bucky’s door and gave him a knock. The oak swung open and revealed your very sexy boyfriend in nothing but a towel situated on his hips making your eyes wide. “Sorry... I just wanted to hang out with you before we left.”

You covered your eyes with your hand, profusely apologizing for catching him in such an unfortunate time. He chuckled, pulled you in the room by the waist and pecks your cheek. “Don’t worry about it, honey. I’m just preparing for a shower. Wanna join me?”

You smiled, feeling giddy all over as you gave him a nod. “Do you have Miss Elephant here?” You asked first, searching his room for your purple stuffed toy.

“She’s safe, baby. Got her on my bed waiting for you.” He reassured you with another kiss, then pull you in to the bathroom as to ask you to join you in with him. “C’mon, let’s get you out of these.”

Then he’s pulling your sweater over your head, pressing a kiss all over the back of your shoulders. “My pretty girl.” He says, his hands gentle and kind while he touches you.

Your shorts are next when he tugs them down, letting a shiver run your body when he kneads your ass. And while barely dressed, only in your bra and underwear, he kisses your neck. “Can I take the rest off?”

You give him a small nod, biting your lip in pure anticipation. And while you loved Bucky and you have home have done many things prior, there was that insecurity deep inside of you that feared that he wouldn’t like the way your body looked. Especially with all of the scars HYDRA gave you... it never looked pretty.

And the moment the very last bit of your clothes fell to ground, Bucky let out a sigh and snaked his large arms around you and pulled you close. “You’re fucking gorgeous, don’t you know that?”

“Even with all of these scars?” You asked, your face scrunched in disbelief. He hummed against your neck, his thumb rubbing against the scar on your hipbone that he saw weeks ago.

“Even if you had horns or a trunk like Miss Elephant, you’d still be the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.” You smiled at his words, feeling content at the affirmation for now. “How about we wash away all of your worries? What do you think?”

“I would like that, Bucky.”

He grinned. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He seats you down on the counter for a moment, quickly pecking your lips before he picks something out of his cupboard. A pink... charger? **_What is that?_**

“Do you trust me, baby?” He asks.

Your eyes drift to the toy in his hand then back up fo him. You gulped, not in fear or of any malicious intent, but in anticipation. But you answer him with a nod.

“Okay, let’s get in the shower, then.”

He guides you carefully, the shower running warm water against your skin and his. Careful and ease, Bucky lathers your body up with soap. Deliciously addictive, you genuinely wished you could eat it. Who wouldnt?

And as his hand washed over your skin, suds running through metal and flesh fingers, they skim over your breasts and pebbles nipples. A gasp emitting from you when he does, your eyes flutter close and he grins. “You ready?”

A small strangled moan answers him. Then there’s a buzz. Not a loud one but soft. And when he presses it against your stomach, your eyes shot wide. “What is that?”

“A little toy for us.” He says, voice heavy with lust. “Do you like it? You can always say no, baby.”

But you shook your head at his offer, truly wanting to try out whatever this new toy is. “Yes, I want to try it.” He gave you an approving smile, then dragging the buzzing toy from your stomach to where your pubic bone is. A tuft of unkempt hair sitting there but Bucky never cared, he never expected of you to be shaved and groomed.

And when he dips his hand further down, the toy buzzing harshly against your clit, you let out a gasp. A small curse falling from your lips that made your eyes go wide at the profanity. “I’m sorry, that’s a bad word.”

He kissed your neck, sucking a large mark enoguh to make you moan. And when he pulled away, licked over the hickey, he spoke; “My pretty girl has a dirty mouth, huh?”

You shook your head, parting your mouth to speak back but instead, another whimper leaves. “Yes you do, princess. You have a filthy mouth.”

The buzzing from the toy loud end and worsen, making you claw at the wall to keep yourself up if it weren’t for Bucky’s large arms pressing you against him. “Bucky... I-”

You felt his chuckle vibrate against your neck, every nerve in your body shaking when he presses it harder against your clit. The water falls harder against his back, now a bit colder than before but it’s nothing compared to the cryo he endured. Plus, he gets to see you come undone beneath him. Little whimpers while your body shakes with an orgasm.

The shower fills with your cries, loud and breathy, he smiles at the way he always has you squirming and breaking under him. “That’s it’s, my pretty girl. Just let go.”

And when you do, your toes curl and your head falls back against his chest; with your own heaving heavily while you attempt to chase your breath. You clawed at his hand, pushing away the buzzing toy before you become an overstimulated mess.

He listens and pulls away, the toy turning off with silence with the exception of the shower. “You said you were gonna wash me.” You said it with a pout, turning on jelly legs to turn to him. “You made me cum again.”

Your arms wrapped around his large torso, feeling the warmth his body gave off and it distracted you from the cold of the running water. He returned the favour, kissing your forehead in return and swayed back and forth slowly. “Did you not like it?” He frowned.

“No, I did. I’m just very tired from cumming all day.”

“I don’t have a problem staying in if you’d like?”

You shook your head instantly. Missing Halloween? You would be an absolute idiot to do that. You never missed Halloween. And definitely not this year with your new boyfriend. “No! I don’t want that. I don’t want to miss Tony’s party. It’s the one thing I look for before Christmas.”

“Okay. We won’t miss it.”

You smiled. “Thank you.”

* * *

You’re giggling all the way to the party while your ears waddle back and forth. You’ve brought Miss Elephant with you, your second plus one with Bucky being your first.

He’s got the same accessories. Those bunny ears and a TuneSquad jersey both you and him are sporting.

Your little puffy tail jingles when you skip into the room, bright lights shinning all over while the whole room is decorated in Halloween theme decorations. Tony truly has outdone himself this year.

“Oh, look, there’s Peter. I’m gonna say hi.” You turned to him a smile and he gave you a nod before kissing your lips. “Can you get me those fruit punch. I can’t drink alcohol or Tony says I’ll go to jail.”

He laughs when you roll your eyes, a pout present on your pretty lips. “Sure thing, bunny. Now go, Peter is waiting for you.”

And as he makes his way over to the bar, requesting for a drink of his own, he notices a head of blond locks beside him. Steve’s baby blues staring at him with a grin. “So, have you told her?”

He sighs, ignores the man’s comment. “You won’t be able to keep this away from her longer, Buck. She deserves to know.”

His jaw clenches, forces his tongue back before he says something he regrets. However, Steve is testing every bit of his patience more than he did during that meeting.

“And you can’t keep ignoring me nor this. She’ll find out one way or another. I’m pretty sure she’ll prefer if it came from you not some agent who couldn’t keep their mouth shut.”

Then he snaps his head, a scowl written all over his face. “ ** _You_** keep your mouth shut. We already talked about this, Steve. She has too many things going on right now. The last thing she needs to know is that the man who took her life away is alive and sitting in our fucking basement. I will not put her through Hell again. Not after that fucking mission with the children in cages and chain. Now, if you excuse me, there’s a party to enjoy, maybe you should do that instead of sitting and sulking by the bar.”

He gave a heavy sigh when he took the drink fork the bartender and made his way to the fruit punch. His drink in his left and yours in his right. When he makes his way back to you, your frozen in your place. His eyes finds Peter, a crease in his brow like as if they were indulged in a serious conversation.

“Hey, baby. Got you your drink.” You turned to him, still as you ever but with a look of surprise on your face. He chuckled. “What’s going on with your face, hun?”

You leaned in close, “Did you hear? Peter said they caught another bad man from HYDRA who took kids. They also said they’re keeping him in the facility basement with the cells and stuff. That’s scary, Bucky.”

Buckt froze, his hand outreached for you to take the cup. He swallowed hard as he realized that the bad man you were talking about was your Papa.

“It’s scary, isn’t it? That’s why your face is like that.” You said it with a giggle but the way you kept Miss Elephant close to your chest told him you felt the same.

And when he finally found the voice to speak, he gulped down hard. “It is scary. Which you and I will need to have a serious talk later.” He found Peter’s eyes across from him, suddenly causing him to turn and throw a poor excuse to leave.

You raised an innocent brow. So blissfully ignorant and unaware. Fuck, man, the way you looked at him will certainly make things more difficult. “About what?”

You watch as Bucky’s face drops, feeling your own as well as fear washes over. “Bucky?”

He takes your hand with no doubt, pulls you away from the crowds and sits you down along the private booths Tony keeps for the team. And when your situated beside him, he’s got your face in the palm of his hands.

He needs to do this, he tells him. Despite his words to Steve, you know now. At least some part of the story and he can’t risk your safety. But fuck, does he hate breaking your heart. “I promise nothing will hurt you, okay? But you have to trust me.”

“Of course! I trust you more than anyone.” You say it with such sincerity and certainty. No doubt.

“Then you have to trust me when I say that we found your Papa and—”

“What?”

You stare at him clueless, in disbelief while your heart faces millions times a second. **_What the... This can’t be happening, right? This must be some sort of fever dream. A nightmare!_**

“Honey, just listen to me... Look at me, sweetheart.” He found your eyes lost and wide, wondering where you possibly can be in that little head of yours. “Steve and everyone is here to make sure you’re nothing but safe and your Papa can’t find you, okay?”

You shook your head, pulled away from Bucky harsher than you would’ve intended. “No, no. I can’t go back to him. Papa will get mad. He said I’m not suppose to leave. I can’t.”

“Y/n...”

“No, no.”

Bucky watched as you shook your head, a panicked look in your eyes as you attempted to creat a distance between you and him. An ache in his chest blossoms, his lips turning into a frown when ever he tried to reach out and you pushed him away.

**_Unlovable. Useless. This man will never see you anything more than a toy for you, Y/n. There is no love or peace for you._ **

“I don’t want to, Papa.” Your breathing became ragged the moment cries shook through your body. A memory shaking through your head as you’re brought years back into your childhood.

* * *

He’s got you in his arms, rocking you back and forth while you hold a purple stuffed toy in your small little arms. He’s warm, he’s nice. He’s your Papa.

But the moment he drops you, let’s you go to the ground and you stare up at him like that with those doe eyes. Eight year old you, unbeknownst to what future may he out for you, sits there.

“Where we going?”

He smiles but not the kind that makes you feel safe. The kind that scares when your stuffy isn’t in your arms at night.

“We’re going to a special place. I think you’ll like it.”

The hes guiding you into a room, dark eyes looking down at you while they all wear nothing but masks and gloves. Tools in their hands, needles in some, then suddenly you feel an ache in your stomach. You gulp.

* * *

“Come back to me, honey.” Bucky’s voice lulls you back to reality, your eyes shot red from crying but somehow you still see him through glossy teared eyes. “Hey, honey.”

“Bucky...”

He smiles, kindly and it warms the cold in your heart as he reaches out to touch wet cheeks. There’s such sadness in those pretty blue eyes, a sag to those bags and your heart aches thinking that you may be the cause for it.

“Hey, baby. Gave me quite a scare there.” He chuckles but definitely fakes it as it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Are you alright? Do you want any water?”

You shook your head, realized that you’re not at the party no more. Instead, your head is laid on his lap while stuck in your pyjamas; the Halloween ones that Bucky bought you.

“Where...” Then you’re realizing that you’re in his room, Miss Elephant stuck to your side and so is your other stuffies. “Bucky...”

“I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have told you. I thought... Fuck, I thought that it would’ve been better for you to hear from me than some wackass agent or Peter. I never meant to hurt you, baby. I wish I could take it back—”

You shook your head, a hand on his metal one and you brought it up to kiss it. And through a shaky voice and teary eyes, you reply to him. “Please don’t cry, please. I should be the one saying sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just... I - Papa is a very bad guy who does bad things. I was just scared you know. What if he takes me again? Or you! Or what... What if they- They poke me with the needles again.”

You could tell there was so many questions going through Bucky’s brain but right now, to him, that was the least of his concern and all he cared what for your health. And he shook his head. “I won’t let that happen to you. The whole team is taking extreme measures, baby. That man would never see daylight, let alone ever touch you. I’d kill him before he gets to that.”

“Well, killing him is not very nice.” Your swollen face scrunches at the thought, your hands came to claw at the tears in your eyes.

Bucky chuckled and God, was it nice to hear. “And neither was what he did to you. Plus, you’re dating me, someone who’s killed a lot people.”

“Well... but that wasn’t you. Peter told me all about it. He laughed at me because I was crying about what they did to you and how it wasn’t very nice and you got bullied by the government.” You shook your head at the memory. “But I know you are not that man anymore. You are Bucky. Also my boyfriend!”

You said it with a genuine smile and as the silence washes over, your heart races at what you’re about to do.

“I really should tell you what happened, huh?”

He frowned and looked at you, shook his head even. “You don’t have to right now. You have all the time in the world and I don’t want to rush you.”

And as you pushed yourself up, say crisscrossed across from him with Miss Elephant in your hand, you squeezed her stuffed body for reassurance. “I know but I feel ready. Papa has done many things to me but I don’t want him in my life anymore.”

He gave you a nod, reached his hand and pushed at the strands of hair covering your face. “Okay, baby. Just take your time. I’m right here.”

You swallowed down hard, looked at him carefully with those doe eyes and bit your lip in anticipation. “Okay, well, I’m not entirely sure of everything that happened but I know when they kept me in these rooms, I used to be all alone. Well, I had Miss Elephant when she still had one eye. Um, then this man used to come in all the time now and he would take care of me. Tell me stories to put me to bed and he was Papa. He was nice at first, I think. He gave me treats that made me sleepy then he didn’t give me anymore and we started going on field trips to these other rooms.”

Bucky then reached out for your hand, squeezed it for the reassurance Miss Elephant couldn’t give you. “I think that’s when they started poking me with the needles. I don’t remember most of my time in those rooms. I only remember fighting with Papa and he gets so mad that he hits me and takes me back to my room and locks me up. He said good girls go to heaven, bad girls go to hell, and said I was going to hell when I die. So, I got scared and started following what Papa wanted. And I don’t remember why we stopped going to those rooms anymore but he still took me out for field trips to the courtyard with all the other kids. We played a lot but we also got hurt a lot. Which is why I have so many scars on my body.”

“Because of the training, correct? That’s where you got the scar on your hipbone.” You nod at this. “Go on, darling. Continue.”

You gave him a soft smile. “Um... Theres a lot of missing memories here, there was a lot of training, lots of hurting. Papa got more angrier. He had very bad stuff and when I didn’t like it, he’d punish me. The last thing I remember was Christmas, I was fifteen and we were suppose to have some gifts because we trained a lot. But Papa never came for me and the other kids until Stevie and Tony did. I don’t know what happened to my friends, I hope they’re alright though.”

When you looked back up, found Bucky’s eyes staring at you with nothing but kindness in them, your heart fluttered. It wasn’t a look of pity but understanding because, while he didn’t experience the abuse from HYDRA as a child, his life was pretty exactly the same; manipulation and abuse.

“You did well, baby. I’m glad you took time to open up to yourself and to me. I’m glad you found trust in me to do that.”

You nod your head. “Of course, you’re my boyfriend! I’m suppose to trust you.”

“Yes but not everyone who has a boyfriend can feel the same trust you have for me. Some people need to earn that trust and I’m glad I earned yours. I hope you know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I love you and I will forever keep you safe.” He cupped your face in his hand, despite the metal, you felt warmth and at ease.

You smiled when his thumb rubbed against your bottom lip. “I love you, Bucky. Thank you for being my teacher and my friend.”

He leaned forward, pressed his lips softly agaisnt yoirs and kissed you lovingly. It wasn’t sexual in anyway, it was comforting... reassuring in every way that you needed it to be. And when he pulled back, it was clear when he saw the dazed look in your eyes.

“There’s still a few hours to Halloween, I suppose you still want to grab some candies and snack downstairs from the party and watch some movies in here?”

His heart raced when he saw your face beamed at the suggestion. “Yes! I would love that! Plus, I want to apologize to Peter for leaving him. I promised him we were going to bob apples.”

He chuckled at the last party. “Sure thing, princess. Anything for you.”


End file.
